the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
