Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
