I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
