I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize