Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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