I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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