and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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