Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
babies were throwing up all over the place
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
