Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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