i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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