Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
