I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
