I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
