dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
