I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
