His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
