Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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