brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
