sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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