omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
