Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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