how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
NoShamevember. You game?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
