Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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