I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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