was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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