k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
