his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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