I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
