What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Randomize