Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
