i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
