I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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