My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
