I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We're too hungover to prance.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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