you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
