How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize