Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
