Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
