fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
