Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
