and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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