apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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