Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
this hospital has no fireball
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
