Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
