Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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