i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
