How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Randomize