Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
