can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
