We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
