Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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