New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
