when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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