I wish my penis had an off switch
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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