So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
