She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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