u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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