we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
