2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I enjoy the company of your penis
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
