Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
