I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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