Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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