We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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