So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You have to summon your inner elephant
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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