the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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