my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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