i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
