I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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