Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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