My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm like, not good at living.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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