what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
