i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
