I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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