last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
