Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The power of my boobs compel you
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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