my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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