I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
