don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
