i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
