hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
