I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Randomize
