my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
