all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
