i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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