maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
