thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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