Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
