these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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