I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
