why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
