I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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